Goodbye Boulder: Dec. 7, 2009

This is paradise.
Smoke coming from the chimney, snow covered flatirons, stillness.
My wounds, my hopelessness, my experience, my love, my isolation, my guilt, my meaningless have all been settled, worked out their contradictions.
....And here I am, the molded result. Overwhelmed with the beauty I keep discovering in everything.
I have become established in something that depends on the optimism I recieve from experiencing the empty.
I am too grateful for words for this place, for who I was and said goodbye to.
And who I am that I embrace.
To be calloused is apathy- a constant routine that starts and ends in the same way.
I thank my God for breaking through the stone and mending.
For exposing myself to me and for teaching me the beauty in scarring and healing multiple times.
I am fully uninhibited and free
Grateful for everything that has and will come
I'm thankful for this place, this mecca, my own roots.
I am reluctant to leave yet ready to plunge into the epitome of what I do not know.
Embrace every part of this amazing life, search for the things that are hidden by normalcy
And never settle for comforts

Plunge, embrace, forgive, isolate, re-integrate, be still, be overwhelmed and motivate.
This is life, I've fallen hard for it
I'll never tire of its wonders
I've lived and I now love harder than I ever have.

it's 7 degrees outside

It's crazy how fast the seasons change
One day, you're overwhelmed with fulfillment and gratitude
and the next you're left void of it all
Callousing yourself is much easier than re-opening and exposing
It took a couple days to warm up to the idea of it
And one to become vulnerable to it
One hour to forget all the scars, warnings and lessons
A minute to fall in and believe in hope, idealism and love.
One second for the pit to reappear and to be slapped in the face with reality.
An hour to sit in self pity
And one minute to be forced back into cynicism.
A second try, a second go
Hurts less, lives shortly
A sturdier reminder that hope always succumbs to reality, inhibition, pride and fear.
Things of this sort are only meant to happen once.